Okay so this guy that's liked me for a while finally kissed me. Like three times. And I told him that sure I'd see how the kiss goes and it was good I guess. I think he has some emotional attachment towards me, like I think he generally likes me and I kind of feel bad because my attraction towards him is mostly physical and I'm nervous to tell him that. But anyway I don't even know what I'm doing and I think that I'm only being this way because I'm trying to avoid feeling heart broken. I've somehow convinced myself that all my feelings are tucked away and they're not. Last night I was talking to him (my ex) and I don't know why I let myself do it but I opened up to him a little bit and said that I missed his smile and that it made me feel like I was falling in love all over again. It just slipped out and he didn't take it as I thought. Basically it ended up with him fleeing and me just kind of shrugging it off but I can't deny that it fxcking out a hole in my chest. I let my heart slip back into his hands and he didn't even try to catch it and it's so fragile right now, like it's on the verge of breaking and I'm doing everything not to let it break. But kissing this new guy kind of makes me forget about it and part of me desperately wants to do things with him but it's for my own selfish reasons and I can't use him like that and I'm such a fxcking mess. I'm so... Pathetic and selfish and stupid. I shouldn't have let it slip. #cry #hurt #pain #questions #wonder #faith #fear #hate #feelings #life #depressed #cut #crying #pain #poem #poet #poetry #loss #likes4likes #followme by knightpoetry